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Humans only beyond this point.

Wanna be an alien-fluencer?

If you can prove you're an extraterrestrial*, the job's yours.

*Sorry for not translating this part of the website for you.

Introducing:

The MoonPie Alien Acquisition

Aliens on Earth? Talk about a business opportunity.

Somebody’s gotta sell MoonPies to 'em, so it might as well be us.

If there’s one thing on Earth aliens should be buying, it’s saucer-shaped snack cakes named after a space rock. But lucky for you, we're not stingy with advice, so we’re sharing everything we learned about this newfound intergalactic demographic right here on this site. Keep scrolling to see our helpful 12-point guide.

12 Things

we've learned about marketing to the extraterrestrials living on earth

What’s the upside to an alien-first marketing strategy?

Great question. Based on our research, aliens (being a more scientifically advanced species) probably live much longer than humans. So it stands to reason that bagging this audience could lead to a much higher lifetime customer value. With this in mind, we’ve put together this 12-point guide on how to expand your brand to capture the extraterrestrial audience. Consider it a list of best practices for world-class universe-class advertising.

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Finding 01

ETs are everywhere

They can be found in certain “hotspots” around the globe. Sometimes they hang around desolate areas, like the desert, and other times they like to observe humankind in dense places such as D.C. or NYC.

Finding 02

It pays to be flashy

Turns out, aliens love light and bright colors. Use them in your marketing to create a positive brand image in your celestial customer’s mind.

Stop doing this:

Start doing this:

*technically you should use an alien language instead of English, more on that soon

Finding 03

There might be lots of 'em

The good news is that there could be billions or more extraterrestrials on earth. Think about the ROI.

Finding 04

It’s important to speak their language, literally

There’s an alien language, and it looks like this! It’s based on binary bitmapping and the fundamental comprehension of mathematics as a universal constant. Y’know, basic stuff. This figure says “please buy MoonPies”, but you can use the language to say whatever you want.

(Just don’t say MoonPie, that’s our intellectual property.)

Finding 05

They’ve got intergalactic attention spans

Apparently the extraterrestrials on our planet could be very old, and hence have very long attention spans. Think about using long-form writing in your communications for the best chance of making, and maintaining, contact. See our billboard in Times Square as reference!

Finding 06

They've got a sweet tooth

You might think aliens enjoy strange and exotic flavors not found in this galaxy, but we have it on good authority that they’re actually chocoholics. Be sure to make that a flavor of whatever you’re trying to sell them — unless you’re also trying to sell them MoonPies, in which case Clint from legal will be in touch.

Finding 07

Everybody loves a discount

Some experts say that we shouldn’t expect that many differences between ourselves and extraterrestrials. By that logic, they’ll probably love coupons and discounts. Keep this in mind as you construct an offer for the aliens living on earth with us (and don’t forget to reference our handy profit/revenue discounting curve).

Finding 08

The oceans are hotspots for alien activity

This one's a little tricky considering that conducting business on international waters is a regulatory challenge. Consider doing what we did and put some billboards out at sea. Just be sure to follow the aforementioned best practices on your maritime marketing communications.

Finding 09

Aliens dig music

Music is something all cultures across humanity have in common. So it stands to reason that aliens will also have an affinity for auditory rhythms and sequences. Try coming up with a catchy jingle that will help sell your product to the nonhuman biologicals occupying this planet with us.

Finding 10

Spacey stuff sells

Multiple experts told us that aliens, being from outer space, would probably recognize and have positive feelings about the moon in our logo. So do what we did: build your entire 100+ year-old brand around something that will resonate with an intergalactic demographic. (But remember best practices and make sure to translate everything.)

Finding 11

LOLs are universal

Experts say that the aliens visiting our planet are “tricksters” and probably respond well to humor. So when making ads aimed at earthbound aliens, try being funny! But, you know… not too funny. Just be yourself. They’re gonna love you and your goods/services.

an animation that toggles between LOL and lincos script

Finding 12

A little kindness goes a lightyear

It didn’t make the final cut of the video, but pretty much every expert we talked to told us how important it was to open these unprecedented brand communications with kindness. So please, do what we did: say “please” in your ads so they know humans are nice.

drones spelling "please buy moonpie" over the desert night sky

Finding 08

The oceans are hotspots for alien activity

Finding 11